It is interesting to me to compare preparing for the different surgeries. Preparing for surgery #1 was filled with fear and uncertainty. We didn’t know where to start, and our plan was filled with a lot of question marks.
Preparing now for surgery #3 (tomorrow morning) still contains question marks, because we know that when dealing with surgery, it will always go different than you expect. I am grateful that we have experience to assist with planning this surgery. At least we can say last time it went this way, assuming it goes similarly, we will do this. Hopefully we can avoid disappointments that have happened in the past.
For example, during the first surgery, I was given the opportunity to call my family from the operating table. My husband was highly disappointed, because he missed it while he went for some food. Trust me. He was more strategic about when he ate during the second surgery, and we were able to Facetime.
While recovering from the second surgery, I became angry at my husband, because I was jealous of his freedom to come and go. The only thing was I hadn’t identified where that anger was coming from. I just knew he wasn’t doing what I wanted him to do. I have prayed for forgiveness and asked God to protect my emotions while we go through this again.
Life is hard, but certain areas get easier and less fearful with experience.
The same goes for trusting God. Often it is difficult to trust God. It is scary, because He doesn’t see things the same way we do. He allows things to happen that I just don’t understand.
But the more I trust God with the uncertainties, it becomes a little easier to trust Him.
I have experience that tells me that, even though God allows things I don’t understand to happen, He has never left me, and He continues to equip me to do the things He wants me to do. I can trust that He will continue to do that.
The first two times I approached surgery, I was deeply worried about my condition of my life after surgery. Although there are some areas where I still struggle to trust God, as I approach surgery #3, I can say God has given me so much peace.
I can trust God because:
- I can endure all thing through Christ who strengthen me. Philippians 3:13
- God’s peace which I can’t explain will protect me. Philippians 4:7
- God loves and cares for everyone I care for. Romans 5:8
- God of peace will be with me. Philippians 4:9