Giving the pain purpose


Since Tuesday, when I release my most recent blog, several people have told me that I am strong.  When I am told this, my mouth says, “Thank you.”  My internal dialog says, “Good job faking it.”  I know that I serve the strong and powerful God, but I sure don’t feel strong.  I know that I am weak.  I know that if it wasn’t for my husband’s work and his encouragement, I would have completely shut down again.  I know that if it was up to me my week would have consisted of playing with my daughter, playing games, being on facebook, and watching T.V.  Because whenever I have received my news from my doctors, I have to fight to keep living emotionally.

Because it is easy to become self-center and start acting as though the world is going to end.

If the world is going to end, what is the point of keeping my house in order?  If the world is going the end, I don’t need to waste effort doing things I don’t want do.  And those are lies.  But not believing the Devil’s lies is the hardest part dealing with my brain tumor.

One, the world is not going to end just because I get sick.  Two, God has called me to be faithful as He is faithful.  I need to learn to be faithful in the small things too (so hard).

So this week (while I was watching TV), a women going to Rio to participate in the summer Olympic was interviewed.  Although I will not get the exact quote, the interviewer asked her what she was doing to prepare for Rio.   The summary of her answer was, “I am keeping my mind where it is supposed to be, and trying to keep it fun.”

Her strategy seems great until you realize that we can’t do that on our own.

I have tried to control my thoughts. I have repeating the truth of the situation.  I have written it on my walls.  I have memorized good quotes.  But through almost five years of fighting this tumor, the one thing I know is that I am not who I am because of my efforts. I couldn’t survive without others.  I wouldn’t even want too.  Other have encourage me that this isn’t all about me.  Others have told me that I am worth the effort.  Others have pointed to where God is working in this situation.  Others are the best part of dealing with the brain tumor.  They have made this struggle worth it.

I need the support of my family, friends, doctors, and most importantly my God.

We all need to keep our mind where is supposed to be and keep it fun.  We all need help doing so.  God didn’t create us to live independently.

If you feel like you are losing the battle that we call life, evaluate your relationships.

Do you have a relationship with Jesus?

Do you have friends who encourage you?

Do you have a support system that challenges you to be better?

If you want to be strong like me, you will not be able to do it by yourself.  Surround yourselves with people that make you better.  Surround yourself with those who remind you that this isn’t all about you.  Surround yourself with people who point you to Jesus.  Others can make the hardest issues of your life worth it.

P.S.  Thanks for making this struggle worth it.  I appreciate you.  Share this with those you appreciate- those who make your struggles worth it.

Join the Conversation


  1. I have been watching from a distance. I am blessed beyond measure to be part of the circle of life surrounding you at this time. I have not met you, but I know you. You are “God in skin”. God has given you the testimony to draw others to the understanding we walk the human path the best we can. Thank you for sharing the mortal story of walking the road less traveled. I will continue to walk as a prayer warrior with you. I will know the place in my heart where God dwells is a place your spirit will dwell as I take pieces of your journey to encourage others on their way. Praise be to God. He is faithful.

  2. Thanks Amy. You have no clue how exciting it is to know that God is using me to encourage those who I don’t even know. May God show His love to you as He has done to me.

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