Goodbye by Kendra

When I (Kendra) started this blog several years ago, I didn’t know what I was doing.  As I have mentioned before, I didn’t consider myself a writer.  I never liked writing in school.  It was hard.  I started the blog because I wanted to be obedient.  At the time, blogging had come to my mind repeatedly, and eventually, I knew I needed to start.

For a while, my blogs were just an update of my health. Sometimes I would go weeks or even months in between posting, because nothing had changed in my health.  But I knew that if I wanted to be obedient in blogging, I had to blog correctly.  I researched how to blog as I considered what God might do with it.  Maybe God wanted me to write more, speak more, and become famous.  The thought of others knowing my name and my story was appealing.

There were some days when I wanted to quit.  Writing continued to be difficult, and with each additional cancer treatment, it became even more difficult.  Other days, the possibility of influencing the world kept me motivated.  God had a different plan for this blog: He wanted me to better understand Him.

God redeems.  Life is hard.  Even those who have an “easy” life, they still have to fight hard.  This is because of sin.  Sin divides. Sin separates.  Sin affects the entire world: Christian and non-Christian alike.

God transforms.  Because of God’s love, He decides to take our ugliness (caused by sin) and transforms into his love.  He uses our pride, idolatry, fear, and more to show us His love and humbleness.

God desires trust.  The Bible tells us that God is working.  The Bible tells us that God is love.  The Bible tells us that He is the source of love, joy, and peace.  The Bible tells us to wait upon the Lord.  People don’t “wait” well.   When we see injustice in others, we want God to work NOW.  When we desire something, we want God to give it to us NOW.  When I want anything NOW, and I am not willing to wait, I question what the top priority in my life is.

God wants to be Number 1 in our life.  God doesn’t care about our timeline.  God doesn’t care about our reputation.  God’s priority is the relationship with us, His children.  God might refuse to give us something or someone that keeps you from enjoying relationship with Him.  We can’t manipulate God to get we want.

We have to trust God to reconcile and to produce the fruit.  I can’t do it.  I have to wait on his timing.  If I want his love, joy, and peace; I have to want Him as Number 1.  When I want Him, I obey Him. I don’t feel the need to know the future anymore.  As of this moment, I don’t need to what God’s plan is, I just need to know the next right step.  I trust that as I obey Him, He will do what is good.  When I obey and worship Him is when I see God working most.

I am very hesitant to post this: I don’t care if I become famous or if I die; I just want to follow Him. I don’t want to toot my own horn.  I still struggle with obedience.  The road of obedience is just as hard, if not harder.  When I am alone with God and realize how amazing He is, all I want to do is worship Him.  Because He loves me and pursues me, I can love Him too.  I can do the impossible.  I can die to myself and live again through Christ. I can obey, even when it is hard.

This blog is a summary of what God has been doing in my life.  And so, I am grateful for the lessons I have recorded because of this blog.   Because of this, I am sad as I say, “My next obedient step is quitting my blog.”  I may leave it up for a while, but I not going to post weekly.  Right now, there are many great opportunities to love and serve locally. Please pray for Amy as she discerns what her next obedient step is.

My prayer is that you will understand how God great our God is.  When He is #1 in your life, you can do the impossible by one obedient step at a time.

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