Fear is all around me. I feel like I can’t handle all of the stress around me.
This week I had another MRI. I praise God because the scan did not show any growth. MRI process reminds me how easily I could be weak and incapable. I am grateful for what God did while I was feeling sick, and I try to trust Him with my health, but I hate the concept of being weak again. I normally struggle with feeling of inadequacy, feeling sick intensifies those feelings.
In addition to that stress, in November, my family is moving. Starting December 1, my husband will start a new job in a different state. The details about the move keep changing. We thought we were going to buy a house, but we didn’t know the truth about the house so we walked away. Now, we probably going to rent for a while, but we still don’t know the details. In the process, my husband and I keep having similar conversations including phrases like the following: “Sorry that we didn’t communicate effectively” or “I don’t remember discussing …” or “I am sorry that I forgot…” These conversations causes more fear. What else have I miscommunicated? What else have I forgotten? Then, Satan likes to tell me that these things are evidence that I am a failure. Then, I become defensive which doesn’t help the conversation that my husband and I are having.
Every time, I have had to pack I have dislike the process. This time I hate the process. 1) We have more stuff. 2) The plan keeps changing. This makes packing more complicated. I am trying to anticipate what we are going to want, and pack it separately, so that we don’t have to unpack everything and repack when we buy a house. Often, fear consumes me, and I feel so unprepared.
Despite me feeling inadequate for the adventure before me, I know that God is on our side. I am so grateful for his Word reminding me that He has it all under control. God does not removed all struggles, but He also does not leave us alone to solve them. Thanks for Him I know that I can handle all of the stress around us, and I believe my family will be better thanks to the struggles.
I hope you have allowed God to give you similar peace, because He wants too. He wants you to know that no matter what He will never leave you. God is simply the BEST.