Returning to the Scene of the Crime

Did you ever avoid a place because of the memories it held or because the person who wronged you might be around? In a society that wants you to do whatever you feel is best, it seems we are encouraged to be preoccupied with our own happiness.  Why in the world would you go somewhere that brings up sad or painful memories?

For the people who are more intimately familiar with what’s happened over the past year, they’ve wondered why in the world have I moved to Indianapolis, whether it’s temporary or not. I can’t say I blame them; I myself was hesitant. I worried about old, painful memories that would surface. I wondered what people might say in trying to figure out why I would come here. And of course, I worried about what would happen when I got here; specifically, would I be met with more closed doors of opportunity and find myself saying (yet again!), “OK, God, now what?”

God is giving me opportunities to remember the following: My worry will not accomplish anything (Luke 12:25-26). My God loves me, so I don’t need to be afraid (1 John 4:18). “For God has said, “I will never fail you. I will never abandon you.”” Hebrews 13:5

Even if I didn’t come here, even if I tried to continue hiding from this particular potential pain, who’s to say I wouldn’t find myself suddenly confronted with that pain finding me? I’m thinking of Joseph in the book of Genesis. His own brothers abandoned him, betrayed him, sold him. Yet over 20 years, God brought Joseph into a life of prosperity, beyond what his brothers could ever dream of (no pun intended). Joseph didn’t look to go confront his pain from the past; but suddenly there it was, his very own traitorous brothers, in front of him, ignorantly begging for his help.

The pain from my past has been finding me over the last six months wherever I go. Hiding is not an option. I didn’t come here looking for trouble or to resurrect the past.  I’m not even sure how long God has called me to be here. With a lot of prayer, I’m doing my best to follow God’s leading to the next place. With a lot of extra prayer, I made the choice to trust Him and come here. Despite what people may think or say, despite what pain I’m worried will come up, this is where I’m supposed to be for this moment. I’m trying to figure out exactly what God wants me to do, where He wants me to go, and what to do with the dreams and desires (talents, if you will; Matthew 25:14-30) He’s given me.

To learn a lesson from Esther’s story, who’s to say that God hasn’t put me right here, right now, for such a time as this? (Esther 4:14) To take a step (of faith) further, who’s the say that my heart’s healing won’t be found right here, where fear would have my run away and hide?

That’s the whole story. Here now is my final conclusion: Fear God and obey His commands, for this is everyone’s duty. Ecclesiastes 12:13

God said, “Go.” He opened doors for me to come here.  Here I am. He’s opening doors and granting me more opportunities here. Be faithful. Be a light. Be open to His calling, staying or going.

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