What does God want from me?

does Godwant fromMe_

The Christian life is sometimes difficult and unexpected. About two and a half years ago, I felt God calling me to blog, but I didn’t want too. I am not a good writer. I can’t even spell. When I started having more troubles with my brain tumor (about two years ago), I consented that I could write about my health. But that didn’t last long, I had surgery and my side effects weren’t something I felt anyone wanted read. I could write, “I had another good week. No more seizures or surgeries. Praise God.” That didn’t feel like much of a blog. I could do that on facebook.

But the Lord wouldn’t give me peace about quitting. Trust me I wanted to quit. I determined that if I wasn’t quitting I should learn something blogging, because I didn’t (and don’t) feel qualified. I learned that successful bloggers write consistently. They post on a schedule which builds trust with their audience. So for several months, every Thursday I would write something to post on Friday morning. I didn’t know what I was writing or why I was writing. I just knew that God wanted to use me and my story, and so I kept on writing until December (more on that later).

I also learned that successful bloggers have a message that the world needs to hear. I was confident I wasn’t successful, because I didn’t have a message. I didn’t even know why I was writing so what I trying to communicate to someone else. So I prayed and prayed again. “Lord, if you want to me blog I think I need a message.”

On October 12, 2015, I couldn’t sleep, because I knew God wanted to use my blog to help the hurting. My blog was to encourage the discouraged to keep fighting the good fight. That wasn’t a message that was an audience. I wanted a message.writing-1-1314626

I am not qualified to write to that audience. I need that blog myself. There are many days that I just want to quit myself. I often feel like a failure. I feel broken and inadequate myself. I tried to be like Jonah and not communicate to his audience. I tried to convince myself I could just serve God locally. I even quit writing, because I didn’t how to encourage the discouraged. I was discouraged.

When God wants something from me, I become so unsettled. Peace leaves me, and I want it back. So here I am four months later, declaring to the world, that I am not a quitter. I am on the winning team. I may not do everything the way it is supposed to be done. I may not be everything I am supposed to be. But I still know the team I am on is going to win, because God is on my side. And that is the message the discourage needs to here.

If you are God’s team, He wants to use you too. And know that He has a history of calling people to bigger and better things than expected, but often the journey will be more difficult than desired. We shouldn’t be afraid of this journey, because God will never leave us. He is always there. If we persevere with Him, God will provide character, hope, and love (Rom. 5). So keep fighting. Keep pursuing God. We are going to win.

If this blog has encouraged you to keep fighting, please share it with the buttons below. If you want to hear more about being on the winning team, please subscribe. If you would appreciate a facebook group to encourage to discourage, please let me know. It is something that has been in my prayers.

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2 Comments

  1. Thanks for sharing Kendra! I’m glad you’re back to blogging, I’ve been checking periodically. I think a Facebook group sounds like a great idea.

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