I (Kendra) had brain surgery in August. Compared to the other two brain surgeries, my recovery was awesome. I did have a hard time using some words, but it was minimal. I praised God for His protection and my recovery.
But when I stopped taking steroids, I began to realize my new struggle- a lack of focus. I don’t want to complain. I know that I could be so much worse. I know others struggle with very similar things. I find myself not accomplishing things, because I am not sure what I have done and what still needs to be done. I sometimes forget that things still need to be done. I want to be vulnerable on where I am. I do get frustrated. I do wish God would heal me completely while I am still on this earth. I am not sure what is just me that needs to mature, versus what is the tumor that means I need to grow in my coping skills.
Recently, a friend asked me to help her, but I didn’t feel helpful. The task required remembering numbers and then write them down in the appropriate place. I couldn’t remember that number while looking for the category. I think she could have done it faster without me. My friend was gracious and nice, but I felt inadequate. A few years ago, I would have focused on my adequacies and my feelings. Now, I am better equipped to deal with my shortcomings.
I prayed, “Lord, I am frustrated. I can’t do this “easy” task. Fill me up with Your truth.”
God responded with His grace and peace. It was almost like God told me, “I have given you the skills to do what I want you to do. I have given her the skills to do what I want to her to do. Don’t be jealous. I want to use you both in diffident ways.”
And I prayed, “Lord, use my weaknesses to show Your power. I trust that You are working. I trust that it will be good. I trust You to use me, even with my weakness.”
I tried to remember a very similar conversation. In 2 Corinthians 12:9b-10, God said, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” And Paul responded “Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
My prayer for 2017 is that I will trust God, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. The doctor’s plan is to take chemo the entire year following a four week schedule of five days of chemo and twenty-three days off. The last time I did chemo for an entire year, I learned how difficult it is to live in God’s power. Sometimes, I was strong enough to participate in VBS, CIY (a youth conference), and a mission trip. But when I lost my focus on Christ, I couldn’t even keep my house clean.
In 2017, I want to live with Christ’s power. I am wanting you to experience it, too.
We can be strong, if we are willing to admit our weaknesses and trust God for His strength.