On Sunday, I posted a blog praising Jesus for His peace that passes all understanding.

Paul wrote in Philippians 4:4-7:

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. 5 Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; 6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

And I am still praising my God for His peace.  To be honest though, it is harder now.  Yesterday, my MRI revealed that my brain tumor is growing.  The doctor has recommended that we look into more treatment options.  He mentioned more surgery, chemo, and he wants me to do radiation.  I am schedule for a functional MRI on Friday and an appointment to see another doctor on Tuesday. 

I am disappointed that this struggle isn’t over.  I believe that if God wanted it to be over, it would be.  I also believe that God uses our struggles for His greater purpose.  I can trust God just like I have done in the past.  Even though I don’t feel it, I know that my God is still faithful.  

He is showing His faithfulness through this situation.  At one point, I had such peace about my doctor’s appointment that I considered going alone, but God knew that I would need my mom.  I believe God arranged for my mom to be with me.  And my husband already decided to preach about the faithfulness of God this coming week. God knew that we would need the reminder.

And so, yes, I am disappointed.  This is not the road I wanted to take.  But I am reminded of the entire chapter I quoted earlier.  Paul also wrote (4:11-14),

Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. 12 I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. 13 I can do all things through him who strengthens me. 14 Yet it was kind of you to share my trouble.

This morning I told my husband that, “I guess it is time to learn how to love life even while I am sick.”  In the past, my attitude has been, “I will endure this, so that I enjoy life when I am better.”  And although I am praying that at some point I get to love life as a healthy person, I don’t want to wait anymore.  I want to love life, when in abundance and in need.

And I will start by being grateful for the people God has sent me to “share my trouble.”  Being grateful changes everything.  I am grateful for all the people that are praying for my family.  I am grateful for those who have watched my child.  I am grateful for my child (who will probably remain an only child for a time).  I am thankful for her “big hugs.”
Because gratefulness is an integral part of being being content in “whatever situation.”  We all struggle.  God never leave us.  We can always be grateful for that.

If my story has encourage you, please share it.  If I get to endure this, I want God to receive all the glory He deserves.

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